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Saturday, November 20, 2010

The New Climate Reform Bill

Washington, DC (PFNN) -- In an exclusive report, PFNN has learned of a surprising move by the Democrat lame duck session of Congress. In a bold attempt to repeat their successes of the past. They plan a repeat of the same tactics that allowed the Healthcare Reform bill to pass over the public's objections, the Climate Control and Reform Act of 2010 will be passed at the last hour of the last minute on the last day of 2010 Congressional business. The Speaker of the House and Senate Leader have determined that they can give the American people one last "gift" before they lose control of the House. Word has leaked that they are preparing a 6000 page bill with an estimated cost of $14 Trillion cost that will change the way the world looks at climate forever.

The bill mandates that the knowledge gained over the history of man's affect on the weather patterns be applied to the ultimate goal of allowing complete control of the climate worldwide. With the ultimate goal of controlling the activities of all humans. It is felt that by taking control of the climate the Democrats will guarantee that they can retake control of Congress in 2012 and assuring the re-election of President Obama. The total cost may be an issue, but by timing the vote at such a critical time it is felt that passage is assured.

Although none of the technologies need to fulfill the mandates exists, it is felt that by simply passing the bill will make the promised changes occur through the shear force of will alone. In addition, through the use of temperature and rain patterns any state that does not support the efforts will be nudged into compliance. Substantial penalties have been included in the bill to insure that few states will actually oppose implementation. At first read penalties range from mandated droughts to monsoon rain storms.

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Some in Congress have worked very hard to maintain secrecy around this plan. It is felt that if this plan is leaked early the surprise will be destroyed. They hope that no one will notice until after Christmas and once passed it, like the hugely popular Healthcare law, will be impossible to repeal.

The basic idea seems to revolve around the funneling of large payments to Climate Scientist, Carbon Traders, Al Gore, and Congressional Campaign Committees. Funds will be used for direct payments to states that fit into narrowly defined terms, such as the number of Democrats in the state government. Additional funds may be used to convince citizens that in fact the government is in fact controlling the weather.

From leaked parts of the bill it seems most of the bill contains strings of disconnected words that serve only to hide the true intent and content of the law. Insiders have said that they believe that this is the Democrats last chance to loot the treasury and bankrupt the country. As a counter to these critics the first attempt at climate alteration will be a huge controlled burn of over $1 Billion in cash on the White House lawn.

Pedro's Fake News Network (PFNN) - We put the P back into the fake network news.

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