PFNN: New Solution for the Gulf Oil Spill

Washington DC (PFNN) After months and several setbacks in the Administration's war on the oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico the government is looking into new strategies to help contain the damage done to the image of the President. These setbacks are nothing and can do little to stop a government that has been able to ignore the will of the American people since they acquired power. The government has decided that a new plan to solve the issues must be implemented to end this crisis as soon as possible.

At first the plan was simple; by ignoring it, they assumed that it would go away. Due to the constant criticism of obviously racially motivated malcontents this plan was considered to not meet their goals. It was then decided that the President should actually get involved and at least show some concern for the plight of the people in the gulf. This was considered a stretch and actually cause the him to not only miss a few tee times, but some of his advisors think it may have had some affect on his golf score.

But his advisors decided that they needed a new plan that they knew would increase the benefit to the President and his overall image. In a moment of inspiration this spill was seen as yet another opportunity created by a crisis. The idea was to utilize the crisis to assist in the agenda of the administration. It fit perfectly into the overall theme of not letting a crisis go to waste. They could use it push through unpopular legislation and quiet disloyal left wingers and far right wing critics. After awhile this strategy seem to also be failing. Several attempts were made to repeat the success of the past, but the crisis continued to grow. With the American people continuing to criticize and the forces aligned against them growing stronger a new plan was needed.

It seems that a new tool that they discovered recently may be the perfect answer to this crisis. It utilizes past experience and is felt to be a great answer. Due to the current majorities the Congress, the leaders on both sides were able to add language to the latest legislation to "deem" that the oil spill has been capped. This may sound a lot like the first strategy but this time there is a twist. This time it has the force of law behind it. A spokesperson stated: "Hey if it works for the budget, then why not for a man-made disaster. They're both the same things. Well, aren't they?"

Before the fall elections they hope to pass additional provisions that will "deem" that the spill never occurred. It is thought that this will lock in the November elections for the party in power and remove this ugly incident from history.

Pedro's Fake News Network (PFNN) - We put the P back into the fake network news.